Frankly Told: You Still Shine
He sat looking out of the window. His fingers rapped on the table as anxious thoughts paced back and forth in his mind. Why does this always happen to me? He thought to himself.
Ambient jazz hang in the air around the lounge. The music made the little hole in the wall feel full but he was barely there to notice it. His butt felt numb on the wooden bar stool, so much so, he almost wanted the feeling to spread up to his heart. A preparation for a cycle he detested but it repeated itself to the point he half-expected it. This time is different, he affirmed his tired heart. But was it?
“Sorry,” her voice broke through followed by a chuckle. “These happy hour cocktails ran straight through me. And the women’s bathroom here, oh child! I think I could leave with a friend or two or three.”
He allowed himself a little smirk but it felt heavy on account of the wrestling match inside his head. There was a bit of silence and he watched a droplet race down the side of his half-drunk whiskey cocktail.
“Is everything okay?” She asked.
“Yeah,” he brushed off. “What — uuhh — what makes you ask?”
“You seem a little uneasy,” she said.
“Huh? You think so?” He shifted his weight. “I don’t think I’m uneasy. I probably just haven’t said much.”
“You hardly ever say much,” she jumped in. “We could always sit in silence and I would stare into those beautiful eyes of yours until the cows come home. Of course, I would miss the sultry, smooth radio voice but I could just enjoy the view. Except…”
“Except?” His ears perked up.
“Except today,” she continued. “You keep ducking my eye contact. You haven’t touched me like you usually do. The hug felt like it was so uncomfortable for you. Of course, now I’m asking myself if everything is okay. Did something happen?”
He sighed. She quietly sipped her cosmopolitan through the paper straw and cringed at the texture of it. Paper straws are awful, she thought. She took another sip before his lips parted to speak.
“Sometimes, I love the way you read me,” he began, much to her pleasure. “Sometimes, I hate it.”
“Mhmm,” she pushed on. “So I touched something. Thank goodness for the psych degree then.”
“Okay,” he scoffed. “Here is the thing that I can’t seem to get out of my mind. For the past three months, we’ve been talking and going out on dates. I’ve been enjoying myself thoroughly. I am really starting to fall for you. You’ve been so proactive in a way I will admit I am not used to but it would seem I definitely have a thing for ladies who know exactly what they want and go for it.”
She smiled and fluttered her eyelids at him. He responded by flashing his smile momentarily exposing his dimple before getting back to his train of thought.
“It’s made me question, what has made you so curious?” he looked at her. “What makes you so interested in me? From day one when you walked up to me fueled by a dare that your friends gave you. It would have just ended there… But you are still here.”
“First of all, yeah?” she put a finger in the air and he followed it up. “I was slightly tipsy but I was very sure of everything I was doing. Even without the dare I would have still come up to you and talked to you. What do you mean you are at a party and you are just listening to people talking without saying anything and just sipping that beer of yours — Which by the way was very horrible!”
“Hey, I didn’t buy the beer,” he defended himself. “I struggled through it too. I couldn’t let it go to waste. The host gave it to me when I walked in so it is only courteous that I finish it before I even think of another drink.”
“And you wonder why I stayed,” her tone shifted “Do you listen to yourself sometimes?”
His face folded in confusion.
“You hear how considerate you are?” she poked at him. “I would have tossed that drink out the moment they looked away. You are so kind and funny and intelligent. I didn’t know that bad beer could come with a lesson on how to make beer. You are so caring, like how you gave your friend the jacket and stayed in a shirt the rest of the night — which I didn’t mind at all. So thoughtful the way you offered to walk someone in the rain to their car with your umbrella that day at the mall. Need I mention you are such a beautiful black man! Mh! God took his time with you!”
She ran her fingers on his exposed forearm and then stroked his beard.
“If I didn’t,” she said. “Someone else definitely would. I don’t think I would have forgiven myself if I let that chance slip away.”
He smiled widely, his pearly whites all on display. His shoulders sunk in relief and he picked up the glass bringing it up to his lips for a deep draw until the glass was empty.
“I don’t know about other girls,” she affirmed. “But you ticked every box in my book and more.”
“It wasn’t just the mystery thing that made you feel like you wanted to talk to me?” he asked softly.
“Well that was something, but it wasn’t what made me stay,” She put her hand on his thigh. “You continue to tick the boxes the more I know you. Even the ones I didn’t know I had.
“I think I just couldn’t help but think about it when this week the responses became slow and dry. Heck, I was getting my wings ready to up and leave,” he expounded. “Because historically, just as I was settling they left, having gotten what they wanted; the high from figuring out this mystery.”
“Makes me never want to shine and be in the spotlight,” he sighed. “I don’t want that kind of attention and be left like that. The lack of effort is what makes them come and I am tired. Still, I fear if I step into the light, I will also lose the thing that attracts them to me and I’m just a guy. I like the attention. It just sucks, y’know?”
“Even in the brightest light … Look at me,” she held his face. “You still shine.”
