Frankly Put: Why My Hello Sounds Like That
A lot can be said about first impressions, one of my favourites is “Two things remain irretrievable: time and first impressions.” There are many a time I long to go back in time and revisit the first time I met certain people. To rewrite my first impression in their mind. For some to just erase them.
Imagine that. The ability to redesign the circumstance you met someone, down to the angle you held out your arm to give them a handshake. I imagine it would have the same effect as a time traveller’s kick of a stone. Setting this new sequence of fate in motion, where the only control you have is a single choice. You only get this one chance before all your choices become biased in trying to repair your image.
I remember a lot of the first-time interactions I have had with people and whether they remained in my life or not, I ask, what could that first encounter have had that would have changed everything? Would I have wanted something different in a bid to make it perfect or were they perfect in their imperfection?
Say maybe I go by the rules, always give a firm handshake, speak when spoken to, look them in the eye, stand straight chest-out and measure the words that leave your mouth by how valuable they are. The perfect first impression. This engineered first encounter that could be a fairytale. Why does that not appeal to me? Perhaps, I do like to tumble through bitter tastes and awkward side-eyes.
I think to something teachers in my schooling have said, “Once we see that your work is good, we begin to scrutinize it for mistakes.” If I was to take some piece of tracing paper, overlay it and take the outline of that statement, I could lay it side by side with first impressions and get the same picture. But what does this have to do with the way I say Hello?
Simply put, years ago I slipped into dark times. T for Tuff times. A period in time where everything felt plastic and pastiche in every interaction I tried to have. I think the most draining thing about it was acknowledging that it was happening but not having the energy to do anything about it. Only compounded by the fact that at that point there was this great influx of new people coming into my life.
New people = First impressions. First impressions = Trying to look perfect. Trying to look perfect = Energy I didn’t have. Energy I didn’t have = Taking loans of energy from “forced dopamine”. Taking loans of energy = Debt. Debt = A greater depth of sinking. So on and so forth the cycle runs.
I had an epiphany though. The human experience is beautiful. What is this human experience? It’s the good and the bad. It is the highs and the lows. The happy and sad. I was so focused on bringing my own form of perfection that I failed to enjoy the humanity in my interactions. What good did they have? What highs were they experiencing to my lows? Where was their happiness coming from?
I wondered what the quickest way of disarming someone from their “perfect” first impression was. Turns out, it is not being that picture-perfect version of yourself. Having a bad day? That’s fine. Not in a silly, goofy mood? That’s okay. Be there in that moment, In that emotion. Don’t fake a smile. Don’t manufacture energy and good vibes. Don’t.
Now, this is not to say drain other people. No. Human connection is relatability. Relatability funny enough comes more from the negative than the positive. There is a peace, where that negative meets a positive of the same magnitude. That’s what I found. I met someone. If she reads this she will probably pick herself out of it. She was, at that moment, the positive to the negative.
Before your mind runs there, no, this is not one of those stories. However, she did pull me out of my mind with the first real interaction we had in Greenspan Mall during the sunset and it felt peaceful. Her energy didn’t change, she was on a high and kept it there. It was then I realized people breathe easier on positive vibes. I opened myself up to the possibility that it was the case that someone wouldn’t feel drained by my first impression.
I further dug into it and challenged myself to create a space where people can express themselves as they are when they would meet me. Are you sad? Welcome! Are you happy? Come in! Are you silent? By all means. Are you loud? Step right in. Are you human? Make yourself at home.
Moreover, we are made up of moments both good and bad. The yin and yang of life. So while there are good times, they are bound to be poisoned by bad. Whilst there are bad times, they are bound to be lit up by the good. How do we learn to highlight the little good things in life we take for granted? How do we take time to appreciate the good before our wells run dry? Maybe by our first impressions.
So… “Hello human, What’s good?” to put it Frankly.
