Frankly Put: Steps to Self Love III
I have, in the past one year, been going down, ticking the boxes on the list of ways to love thyself holistically. If it’s anything that I am learning through this process, it is that humans are really interesting in the way we function and what we need to do so efficiently.
I used to think the facet I am speaking on this time around was the biggest thing; the control centre. The mental, in the past, was such a big thing because for a lot of the life before, what was going on between the ears played a big part in identity given that it was what was required. When you are a student, “your only duty is to study” so in that light if you aren’t bringing in the results, you are not fulfilling your primary duty.
Perhaps it is the reason I find it was difficult to define self outside academic achievement. Whenever I would feel brought down by the thought, the solution was to “change my mindset” — again tying it back to the whole mental aspect of being. If it is anything, I learnt to “logic” my way out of emotions rather than feel them through, which shows and I’ve come to question whether or not it is healthy.
Don’t get me wrong, I have dug into the “feel all your emotions” idea that I push, otherwise I wouldn’t be pushing it. However, this is how it comes to be regardless of my actions and if I do come to process and understand the emotions, have I not achieved the same comprehension as someone with the capacity to express and feel the emotion?
Not surprisingly, it comes off very robotic in nature and that has been pointed out more times than I can count on my hands and probably toes too. Coming to terms with that has been the biggest hurdle because out of the many things that love is, it can be said to be a feeling. One feels love, no? So how can someone practice the feeling of self-love enough to love the very nature that is in and of itself “un-feely”? What makes it worse, is that it doesn’t make it very easy to accept as an outsider. It does something to oneself to see the light and warmth of friendship flicker in the eyes of another due to things they are struggling with.
Accepting it myself was a huge hurdle, simply because it was not “normal” so I have learnt to not expect the same grace from people I meet. A lot of time can be spent learning to be an individual but at the end of the day, we as humans long to belong to something, to a community, to someone. To belong, there is the whole wall of need for acceptance from self and others to get past. For some no matter how many times you walk around it blowing trumpets, the walls just won’t come down and that’s cool too.
There is the train of thought; “just because you fit in somewhere does not mean you belong” and it is a terrifying realization to find that the spaces we tried so hard to fit into were not meant for us to belong. Safe to say, I believe there is a space in this world for each being; where one doesn’t have to try to pretend to be normal to earn the acceptance deserving of a human being. If not found, can be created and that is the beauty of it all.
Another thing that exists around the mental human being, is the issue of mental health and wellness. Now, I live in an African state and for the most part, mental illness and wellness is not quite there yet as something that is seen beyond dwellers of an asylum. It is something people of this generation are actively reaching out towards in a bid to address some of the many problems that combat the common man in these streets and it’s nice to see. However, I cannot knock the people who do not see it otherwise.
In my opinion, there is a tendency to over-correct. Which is, admittedly warranted as the worse the problem is, the greater the interventions to resolve it but sometimes I sit and ask: Are people maybe huffed up on the idea of therapy because of the high self-awareness brings? Is it just a chain people use to mask our own inadequacies? Is the problem as rampant as it comes off to be? Are we watering down the seriousness of the subject matter when we speak to it fleetingly as we do?
The human brain is such a powerhouse organ and it is very intriguing to dig into its functions and its link to the layer that is the mind or mental or psyche. It is crazy how it has been designed to work so perfectly that the smallest screw being loose in there, can serve to cause the cataclysmic failure of a human. In a sense, the human can struggle to human as a result. All in all, I suppose I can cut myself short here with the nudge to not self diagnose but seek out the professionals that are experts in the field to offer their services on the matter.
Moving on to another sector in the mental sphere of human nature, thoughts and beliefs. Learning to unlearn some of the mentalities and schools of thought I have come into has been an ongoing process. I think the reason why it takes me a while is because of reason — the purpose for learning and unlearning. I have caught myself on occasion just following the wind with herd mentality to try to be politically correct or PC. In those moments I question; am I thinking this way because of beliefs passed down to me or are these the values I hold? Am I an “ally” truly or are there bigoted undertones to my actions? Is it my place to speak on certain things, if not am I “knocking” before I move to speak?
Being aware of certain opinions I hold and why I hold them has been eye-opening to the kind of love I need to give myself. The forgiveness I need to dole out every now and again. The further knowledge on matters that matter to me that I need to seek. The need to just say “I am not the target audience” and keep it pushing. Not everything is for me, not every opinion someone has is about me, not every action deserves my reaction.
If I am to learn to fully express self-love, the way I think about myself matters, addressing my mental wellness matters, understanding my thought process matters to put it Frankly.
