Frankly Put: Simpin’ Ain’t Pimpin’
Love has this crazy way of humbling a wild, passionate heart. Of igniting a calm, subdued heart into an untamable fire. Still, some of us will get burnt over and over again until it is in our grasp.
Simping by definition, at least by mine, is to constantly go the extra mile to win someone’s affection even when it means becoming a doormat for them. Most times, these efforts exist in the framework of unrequited love. Where one heart keeps giving and giving, throwing flowers at another that has no use for them.
A lot of debate happens as to whether it is a good or a bad thing. I believe it can be good. Simply for the sole reason that these are your feelings. Feel them. Wear them out until they are no longer nagging in your chest. I also in the same contradicting breath believe that it is bad. In some ways, it lowers the value of self to put someone on a pedestal and let them walk over you as they so wish.
Much like a lot of things in life, moderation is key. Anyone that has ever driven a car (stick shift) would know of something often termed the “biting point” and one must catch the same point with love or feelings in order to keep the car rolling and not be driven to madness. Or for the sake of analogy, to not stall your heart. Too many of us walk around with stalled hearts, in quiet loneliness.
Now, I don’t know if there really is a formula out there for finding this point in your interaction with the person you are fawning for. All I know is that it can be found through trial and error. In this life, I have known people who are “headfirst into the deep end” type people and those who will always start by dipping their toes into the water. Whichever works best for you, just as long as you don’t drown.
As I sit down to write this, a piece of me wonders if I should just let this one post slide because it is hitting a little too close to home. I mean, it’s just a reflection but no one ever wanted to scrap their skin where it hurts. You know what, nah, “tough time never last only tough people do”… so we keep pushing through.
It’s been said a lot of times, “Don’t cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross puddles for you.” Although I agree, I also think that there are cracks in that logic. I have come to believe in the true expression of self and … that ain’t it. I like to say “Give in your capacity.” If you have the resources to, cross those oceans. Do not expect them to cross the oceans for you too.
There is some experience gotten from rolling through the waves and sea sickness that might give you back what they are not willing to. For example, if someone you know and care for is struggling with something, don’t hesitate to help simply because you know they wouldn’t do it back. Might be selfish to think but in helping them you might help yourself.
It’s the same with feelings, say them. These streets are cold. I don’t think acting all hard and independent, emotionless and cold will get you all the way through the loneliness. In fact, I think you stand a chance of falling back to old ways and bad habits. I know it’s bloody terrifying to say these things but I ask myself “Do I fear letting them know or do I fear their rejection?”
If it’s letting them know, what am I missing here that is making this not a place of comfort enough to let me express this? Perhaps, that is a point of concern within me or the interaction. If it’s the fear of rejection, we can play a game of the greater good. Is it better to let them know and be told an outright “no” or play in a grey zone where I live in a fantasy that is in constant danger of falling apart and where the only one hurt is me?
It’s true, simpin’ ain’t pimpin’ but pimpin’ won’t feed your soul in the long run. As a guy, growing up that was the goal, “always have options” and never let yourself fall for “one-itis”- which is really just a scarcity mindset. Which has some sense to it in the ways it is explained and true to the fact, I have seen the ramifications of it with my own two eyes. Personally, it doesn’t satiate me.
I think it does the heart some good exercise to step out and be infatuated with someone, plan out dates and all the things that come with them. To want to involve someone in your goals and ambition, in the failures and fears too. To want to buy them flowers and little gifts that remind you of them. To dedicate songs to them. To snip quotes from books that relate to them. To have movies or series you remember them by.
Simp, I say. Not for everyone and everything. I mean have standards. Ji heshimu nani. Simp where your soul is moved. Train your heart in discernment and arm it with every experience of self-expression. I think you can brush off rejection easier simply as you go through it more. So allow yourself to feel attracted. Enough to see with your eyes and not through rose-tinted glasses and love might just start to feel fulfilling again.
Let these things flow in and out of your life every so often, for the heart is an engine and pent-up feelings will cause it to knock unnecessarily… to put it Frankly.
