Frankly Put: Scared to Do It? Do It Scared
When was the last time someone hugged your breath back into you?
One of those really solid hugs that remind you to breathe. It is as if they reset your lungs and make you take a deep breath, just to show you all the shallow breathing you have been doing. If you were a baby, that rush of air into you would probably trigger some crying. It’s kind of like the one at birth; not that you’d remember but hey, comparisons.
As someone who is a giver of hugs more than a receiver, I’ve caught a number of those in my days. The kind that, if I was to let them, would bring a tear to the eye. It is almost like your body has been in fight or flight for the past year and it finally gets that little gap just to breathe and you sink into their arms like a warrior on their last legs in a war you didn’t even know you were fighting. Strangely, it is only a handful of people who have been able to give me that shot of comfort.
Fear has a funny way of hiding in the routine once you get to sit in it for a minute. I realise not many people get the chance to do it because it is like the ice bucket challenge — I am really ageing myself here but whatever — it washes over them for a short while then it is gone. However, if you sit in that fear long enough you can almost begin to forget it even exists. If it is so imbued in your day-to-day, it becomes this part of you that you accommodate even at your best.
A lot of mentors in my life have graciously offered the advice to “do it scared” when it comes to things that seem so daunting. I think the repetition of this gives this mentality that “it must be done, regardless” and if I am being honest fear stops being a hurdle to things in life. This mentality often disguises itself as confidence. At least, that is the feedback one gets when they can move despite their fears.
However, in as much as it may not be a hurdle, sometimes it becomes a hairline fracture. It hurts to carry forward. It saps from you little by little and true to it, a small leak can sink a great ship. It lets in the water little by little as it beats on the body of the vessel until enough of it has slipped into you killing the buoyancy you have. Some of it is healthy though.
There is good fear, I believe. The kind of fear that pokes you to do a double-take at the things that you are doing just to be certain. I like to think in caution of it, sometimes we lump everything that seems like fear and cast it aside in the name of “regardless of the fear” but there is fear that should stop us. Even though there is fear that should drive us, I think that balance is something that makes the human experience holistic.
I think of the movie The Lion King… Bear with me. In the movie, there is a particular scene where a young Simba disobeys his father and endangers Nala who is his… half-sister? Let’s not get into that. He reasons that he wanted to be like his father who was not scared of anything. Mufasa, the father, goes on to explain that he does get scared and he was scared in that moment to lose his son. In this way, he was driven by the fear of that loss to show up in a situation.
There is something I was told even when I was in primary school, “If your goals don’t scare you, they are not big enough.” What does that mean though? Could it be that we must inject fear into our life mission for it to mean something? Could it be that fear must drive us to achieve great feats? I don’t know, that piece of advice has faced so much scrutiny with every passing year of my life.
On one hand, there have been times that I’ve seen it as me thinking small and true to the fact, coming out with this dissatisfaction even when the goal was achieved because that challenge was something I chased knowing the dopamine that exists on the other side. It is often with things I care a lot about that this happens. I find myself playing it safe. Often too safe for even my own liking.
On the other hand, all gas no brakes! Running with the mentality that “ if you shoot for the moon and miss, you will land amongst the stars.” It has caused a lot of losses but it has also awarded me much good for which I am grateful. Sometimes in life, it is good to overestimate your bite just to understand how strong your jaw is. It takes some awareness of who you are as a person to know how far is too far and if you are not willing to know who you are, at least know your limits then you get to learn yourself.
The fear of loss is one of the biggest fears that stops people from just living. However, a curious thing I have come across too is the fear of success. I have found it in myself nonetheless. It is looking inward as seeing manifestations of potential to be great but fearing what you look like when you are great. It means to stand up above the crowd. It is a loneliness that is hard to ignore and it is scary.
I’m now learning to embrace a curiosity that is showing that fear some competition. I have found myself asking the same of my friends. It’s like “What’s the worst that could happen if you exert yourself?” … What do you see if you were to love as deeply as you can? What is there behind the fear of volunteering to do that one project at work? What if that opportunity you take is your awaited breakthrough? What if that one show you are scared to do opens your doors? What if you take the first step ahead of everyone and that is your path coming to light, rather than waiting on the rest?
It all starts with a first step and sure, it’s scary but… maybe we will do it scared until we are no longer scared to do it, to put it Frankly.
