Frankly Put: Love and Basketball
I recently came into some time and thought to catch up on my watchlist that is ever-growing with every step of this journey called “Adulting". Side note, y’all remember a time when you were on top of every recommendation, on sight? Cause I do, now I just have a backlog of “I’ll watch it" coupons but I digress.
With this free time, I randomly picked out of my list, a movie by the title “Love and Basketball". Some may know it, some may not and I do not blame you, it is just over two decades old at this point, more accurately, premiered in the year 2000.
Backstory to how this movie came to find itself on my watchlist: I am one to enjoy a good video essay on my YouTube from time to time and I have come to find some merit to it. There is something to learn not only as an audience member but as a writer and storyteller by the way people interpret the art. Now, the video essay in question was on the image of black men as represented by the media. In it, the guy spoke to that topic specifically and all the set pieces he picked up were in relation to that. I am not going to get into that.
As I watched the movie, outside generally enjoying it, his points kept on playing in my mind with every example that came on screen. There are a lot of things he spoke to but here I am focused on the idea of the feminine reception to the moments when the masculine is vulnerable. How I shall tell it without spoilers, I don’t know but let’s see how this goes.
The movie follows two best friends, Q and Monica, with a love for basketball (hey, that sounds like the name of the movie) from the time of meeting when they were kids to adults. They, being neighbours become really close (best friends even) and it is obvious, the romantic undertones written between them. Furthermore, that flourishes as they get to campus and therein comes the issue of discussion today.
Through their first year, Q runs into family problems and it begins to affect him heavily. Monica and Q at this point have advanced greatly in age and their relationship and this one scene in particular that hit a little close to home. In the scene, Q confides in Monica, expresses himself in vulnerability that sounded very familiar; not in the subject matter but in how he expresses himself — kudos to the writing team — and the reaction he gets is a little too relatable.
The response he receives in doing so is not quite what I can only assume we hope for in such moments and it flares up a point of conflict. Understandably, there are reasons which hinder Monica from giving an adequate response. The weight of what he just confided is definitely something that requires time, comfort and care that at the moment, she is not in the position to give.
It really brought to the surface the idea of vulnerability and how ladies receive it. I have, in past posts, touched on creating spaces where men can be safe in vulnerability. In it, I don’t think I spoke on the female reception to the creation of spaces. At least with gents, one can tell they are either going to roast you or offer the support depending on the weight and space. However, with ladies, there is a bit more of a grey area. Again, I can only really speak from my bank of experiences.
The content I consumed after eeriely followed that theme; where we have guys saying, “maybe we do need to open up” and ladies agreeing to it but have barriers that the male gender must hop over in a bid to enjoy that space. Some of which being; the fear of being seen as weak, the idea of ladies taking the issues in the safe space out of it and using it against them or even not knowing how she would take the things being said.
It is apparent that in this generation, there are more platforms for men to air out their grievances and the things they sit on for so long for one reason or another but even in those spaces, there exist those very points of conflict. Admittedly, some of the issues had may be critical of ladies and cause other fights. I think about how that affects relationships between men and women.
I see the vicious cycle where, a man can go through hardship and he holds it all in much to the displeasure of say his significant other. He decides to open up and the reception is not great. Maybe she doesn’t offer the care he needs, maybe she is passive, maybe she invalidates the guy, whatever the case. On seeing this, he shuts her out again, holds it in and the cycle continues.
In comes the podcasts, chatrooms and spaces men host to have that release, simply because there is more security and actual comfort between men than in the company of women. I have come to see that ladies like men are expected to offer protection; security, usually emotional, in a way men just cannot offer one another.
I question, do I express a need for the same? Do I request of my female counterparts as I so willingly offer them, the spaces of security in that vulnerability? Do I hold to the very valid fears men hold in opening up? A little scepticism is good but are there moments of unhealthy amount? Maybe. I do wish to feel like we’re playing for the same team and not trying to score “Look how I actually care” points against each other.
Although, the ball is in our court to figure out whether this is love or basketball we are playing with the relationships, to put it Frankly.
