Frankly Told: It Ends Here
“What is going on with you?” she asked.
They had been in the conference room for close to an hour sitting on opposite ends and though corporate, the conversation had been tense since the first greeting. Frustrations had risen in her but she tried to punch them down and deal with the situation. He on the other hand was tittering on an explosion in how he was restless.
“What do you mean what’s going on with me?” the question was shot back.
“I mean, I am looking at your performance reviews and you have, dare I say, missed and underperformed in every single assessment in this quarter,” she shuffled the papers on the table. “I am asking this because you were once on your way to a promotion with how well you were progressing. What happened?”
“Look man- I mean ma’am,” he started. “I don’t need you to now act like you are on my side. We both know why we are here and we are done with all the protocols, so let’s be over and done with it now.”
“I am putting aside company matters,” she assured. “This is us now talking without the titles and all that corporate talk.”
“I don’t need that right now,” he spoke through his teeth.
“You know your father-” she started.
“Don’t you bring my father into this,” he shot. “You know, I’ve spent long enough here to know that I cannot create a name for myself without him.”
“Now, Now…” she tried to continue.
“No!” he spat. “I can see that look in your eyes and if I am being honest I hate it. It has been two years. I don’t care that you know me through him but I am my own person but you all can’t seem to see that. I don’t think you understand what it means to feel like someone is doing a favour for someone else by tolerating you.”
His fingers wrapped around the armrests to try and calm himself. He knew she didn’t deserve this but he couldn’t stop himself. It was all flowing out in spurts of anger he could no longer pace. In her eyes, he could still subtly read the look of someone who looked at him like a child.
“I know I am deep in this but this has made me question if this is what I want to do with my life,” he spoke in a calmer tone. “It was already shaky to begin with but working with this company has made me realise this even more.”
“What about all the good work you put in,” she asked. “You were one of those noted names in your department.”
“Was I noted for the good work or because my father had connections to this company?” he asked in an unimpressed tone.
He held eye contact after the question, looking for the hope that perhaps it was indeed his work. She kept silent. In her eyes was the answer. He scoffed and looked down at the polished mahogany.
“You know,” he explained. “I thought for a while, maybe if I did well, if I poured my heart and soul into this work, maybe I would learn to love it. I would learn to do it for myself. It would make sense that the passion was not just because school seemed fun and it was all around me growing up.”
“I should have picked up on the signs,” he admitted. “Let me ask you this when you look back on your life, did you ever think that you would be working in human resources for such a company? Did you have any dreams?”
“I actually did,” she answered with certainty.
“What does that feel like?” he inquired. “How does it feel to live your dream? Because I will admit it, I would like to know what that feels like. I don’t want to be in my late forties still waking up trying to convince myself that this is worth every day of my life.”
“Listen,” she consoled. “You are young. You don’t need to have it all figured out you know? The world is a big place. Maybe you have big dreams and ambitions. Don’t waste them comparing yourself to those of us with simpler and smaller ones. Maybe this isn’t what you want in life but if I am being honest, time is not really on your side in terms of figuring that out.”
He looked back up at her. For the first time in a long time since he walked through those company doors, he felt seen.
“I wish I could tell you, I know how you feel and lie to you about someday matching your lifestyle to it but I can’t do that,” she said. “Maybe you are right, maybe we only really saw you for your ties to your father and being real, that’s what the world is. I wish I took the time to really know you before this but I didn’t and that’s a failure on me.”
“If these are the thoughts you are having, then these,” she pushed the papers around. “Make sense now. If I were you, I’d listen to the words of this slightly older lady when she says restructure, find your niche and chip at it every day. I can’t promise you answers but find peace.”
He felt his soul quiver. The slight doubt he had on whether walking out was the right decision left his body. He knew that he would have to deal with his father but that was a bridge he would cross when he did.
“Forget what we think,” she affirmed. “In this corporate world, it isn’t so warm but if you find that you are here wasting away when you could be someone, somewhere doing great things, maybe it's time to wake up. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it ends here.”
She shuffled the papers once more and tidied up before looking back straight into his eyes.
“It was your work.”
