Frankly Put: If Showing Up Was A Talent
Something about social media algorithms bringing up things you need every so often is equal parts terrifying and fascinating.
For a while, my Instagram reels were filled with videos of this trend where the caption was something along the lines of “Sometimes, showing up is all that is needed” and it was compilation videos of these children and their reaction to the presence of someone in their family or some closeness in that light.
The videos would often begin with the child being part of a crowd, commonly their class, and they have this sombre facial expression. Some, nearly on the verge of tears and almost like it is scripted, they sit in that look for long enough to get you actually feeling for them. Then it happens, they look up into the audience and their eyes catch the camera and they light up like the sun with a smile.
For the most part, the first thought would be “Aww, a touching, wholesome video” which I do not fail to acknowledge I need a little more on some days. However, in my case, my brain has found a quicker way of replacing the faces of those children with those of people in my life. It all to familiarly plays in the same exact way.
Someone once asked me why it was so important to me that I show up for someone else when they probably wouldn’t do the same for me. The same type of energy as “Do not cross oceans for people who wouldn’t even cross puddles for you.” Here is the thing, once I’ve made the commitment, it isn’t about whether would they do the same for me but whether I am in a position to and if there is no reason why not, why not?
I’ve learnt to cross oceans for people who never crossed puddles. Yes, sometimes it sucks when it only runs one way for too long but then again, if I have a ship big enough, if I have enough skills to not sink to the bottom of the ocean should I dare the storms to cross the ocean, why not? They say “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” so why should I only use my skills to cross calm oceans that they would cross for me?
I don’t think it helps either to have a group of friends who raise that standard. I wonder how many opportunities for connections I lost in the past when I chased reciprocation more than I did the actual perspective that you showing up has more to do with you than to do with anyone or anything else. So yes, I honour that invitation.
Along the way, I have been blessed enough with a group of people who host the same tenacity as me when it comes to showing up. Most times, not even because they are just giving back the energy that I gave them. I still remember every single time I looked out into the crowd and saw faces beaming with smiles that shouted without words, “I am here for you.”
Over the years, I’ve learnt to confidently do it physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I’ll admit, hardly am I ever the loudest in the audience. I rarely have the capacity to shout and yell but for sure I am standing in the crowd. Occasionally, I will catch people’s eyes and flash them a smile enough to shout “I’m here for you.”
“Doesn’t it get depressing?” the same person asked me. “To always show up for people even when they don’t show up for you?” It does, sometimes… I’m not going to lie. There is a healthy amount of selfishness in me that does crave that “Scratch my back I scratch yours” relationship. Only, I think it channels genuine gratitude when someone does end up giving me that commitment. If they don’t, I figured out how to scratch my own back and do so every so often.
Lots of self-love advocates hold this focus that it begins with yourself. The only thing that taught me is when people find out that you can still do it with or without them, they withhold their support. I don’t blame them, we all fundamentally wish to be needed by those we hold close to us. It’s the same on this side of the pond, where I can sometimes tell, they didn’t need me. Whether I was there or not, it wouldn’t handicap them at all… I’d still show up though.
Again, it’s a reflection of me, not them. Moreso, they are flourishing without feeling like if one person is not there they lose it completely. I applaud that… I’ll keep clapping when my claps are drowned out by others’ cheers. I’ll keep clapping even when it stings a little knowing whatever I am working on isn’t meeting the same levels. I’ll keep clapping because I will show up whether you have ten, a hundred or thousands in your corner. If only to let you not feel like there was ever a time when you were looking for that single one you couldn’t find.
If anything being around the upcoming and the green has shown me, just how wonderfully people bloom when you give them a little water. I’ve watched a shy nervous wreck belt out in the most beautiful voice. A silent trembling voice string poetry like it is second nature. A hardcore, all-walls-up cold heart bring out everything it had held on to and become ever so slightly lighter. A person losing faith find belief if only in themselves for a while.
Sometimes, being a fly on the wall and watching someone unravel their true self, reminds you how human you are. If showing up was a talent, maybe I was first in line when God was dishing it out… to put it Frankly
