Frankly Put: For the Unappreciated and Unseen
It is not often that I find myself in pockets of ungratefulness but lately walking through the back of my mind seems to have revealed how often I fall into them when I am not looking. I think about the fact that it is only exposed when I note the same lack of gratitude in others around me.
We often tell ourselves, “Do good deeds, not because you expect reciprocation but because it is good you are doing.” I entertain the argument of the worth of that good on some days. It comes up when it gets to the point of giving and giving without once receiving anything in return. I think it is only human to want that reciprocation, after all, we are not beings who want for nothing.
There is this intrinsic need for reciprocation, so much so, that it is the foundation for friendship and anything less creates fractures in that connection. I am no saint and I do question where in my friendships and relationships I fail to offer the acknowledgement of the good they have brought to my life. Whether it is a simple “I enjoyed my time” at the end of the day or “Thank you for doing this with/for me.”
Shoutout to mum and dad for raising me to have an eye for these things. Without the lessons, perhaps I wouldn’t say thank wait staff for the services offered to me in a restaurant, I would not greet my security guards like friends and I would not step in to help clean up my mess for the cleaner. I realise sometimes in my people-watching, some people don’t feel the need to and I must say, that seems too alien to my soul to sit right with me were I in their shoes.
Recently, not so recently, someone did something for me that I question why it had such a big effect on me. Perhaps, it is the fact that it felt like they went out of their way to do it and I didn’t even ask for it. It wasn’t even some grand gesture but it moved me so much I couldn’t even express what it meant to me. My human nature of course still looks for that energy in my every day and frowns on the lack thereof. Am I that starved for it?
Someone once told me, “You do so much for people, do they even know that?” and I brushed it off as the saying above, it was the about the good I did not about the fact that I got it back. I did the crossing of oceans for the people who wouldn’t cross a puddle for me. I did it and it felt good to… until it didn’t. Something about giving energy you have debt for stopped looking like a chilled drink on a hot day. It just wasn’t refreshing.
I have had the time to look through some of the times when what I did went unseen. I took some time to list down times there was a lack of appreciation and how it manifested in the relationships. Forced to do little situational tests of it, made me realise how much I overstepped. A little side-stepping the burden here and delegating responsibility there revealed the cracks in systems I thought were working well.
I wondered why I would do it time and time and time again, even when I was empty for it. I also looked into the flourishing relationships in my life and how giving and receiving was the recurring factor. Maybe I do need to feel that validation. Perhaps, I too want to be seen not just looked at. Not in a braggadocious light but in gratitude. It does something to the soul, it does something for the mind and sometimes for the body.
When I started writing this, I didn’t have a message in mind as to what was the overarching takeaway and it shows. I guess this is for the unappreciated and the unseen. For the days, you have walked around with a burden you couldn’t share as a father and no one was brave enough to embrace you. We say it comes with the job but no one thinks to thank those who stand in that light when they do. We celebrate you.
This is for you, on the days you have stretched yourself thin as a mother and no one was keen enough to pick that. We accept it as such but never accept the consequences. We see you, today we strive to take away those things to allow you to retract back to yourself. If we can’t, we offer massages for the arms that stretched out for so long.
This is for you, on days when you are the therapist, the mum/dad, the number one cheerleader and the protector as a sibling. When the day comes when you shall be remunerated, may the universe count every blessing and shower you in equal measure.
This is for you, on the days where you have to be the responsible one at expense of your fun, where you must stand behind the lens for other people’s memories to be made, where you are shouldering the burdens of others while sitting yours on the back burner and setting aside your bad moods to raise someone’s mood as a friend. You have our hearts and utmost gratitude.
This is for you, on the days you have longed for the love you were promised, for the days you were an emotional punching bag, for the days where joy seemed to run dry after fights and where it didn’t seem like your presence mattered as a lover. Here is love for you, the strength to push through those days and the trust in the ebb and flow of human interaction.
This is for you, may they have eyes to see when you need the words and may they have hearts that move them to appreciate you in more than just words, to put it Frankly.
